There comes a time every year where I tend to reflect on my past. But no it’s not past relationships, or what I could have changed. Instead it’s what I had no control over, life, and what has made me who I am today. Everyday I wake up I’m glad to be alive. Today I stumbled upon some old pictures of me from years ago, 2005 to be exact. 2005 was a year that changed me, not just mentally but physically as well.
In early 2005, I woke up one day and found that I had this horrible rash all over most of my body. I went to the doctor and they gave me a cortisone shot. Not long after that I woke up one morning and could barely move. Every bone, muscle, and joint felt stiff. Almost like I had been hit by a bus, or that sore feeling after you have exercised a lot, but only multiplied by 1,000. I laid there and I cried. Because it hurt to move my head, it hurt to roll over, I was just in Pain! So back to the doctor I went. They ran some blood tests for just about everything imaginable. They came to the conclusion that I had an auto immune disease, basically my body was attacking my liver. From what they told me it’s very rare, and that no one knows exactly why it happens.
I had an ultrasound and biopsy of my liver, and found that there was some scarring on my liver. I was told that on a scale of 1-10, 10 being bad, my liver was at a 6-7. Also, that if I had waited any longer, I may have been on my way to cirrhosis and possibly a liver transplant. Thank God it was found in time!
They immediately put me on prednisone and azathioprine (imuran). I was on both of those medications for several months. Prednisone is no joke! Not sure of how much I gained, but I do know that I was the heaviest I’d ever been during that time. When they say swelling and rapid weight gain, they are not kidding; I have pictures to prove it. Luckily, I was able to be weaned off of prednisone, and then finally off of imuran. They told me that I would likely be healed and not have to take anymore meds, but that there was a slim chance of it returning. But that my liver would heal itself, and be healthy again. Got to love regeneration.
So now it is 2010. I feel like I am writing this as my “goodbye” to that time in my life. I think there are very few pictures of me during that time. That may be a shock to some of you, because I love the camera! So I’m going to show my weight gain to you all, partially for you but mostly for me. I need to let go, and continue working on getting comfortable with myself again. It was a tough time, but I’m still here, alive, and thankful for every day that I get. I think about all the people going through harder times and battling much more serious diseases; and how a lot of them do it with hope, a positive outlook, and a smile on their face. Those people give me strength, even today. Looking back makes me sad and happy at the same time. But then I remember that life happens, God has plans for us, and to be grateful for what you have.
1. Me, around April-May ’05. 2. Me, 1-2 months after diagnosis, before the meds (July ’05). 3. Me in 10/2005, a few months of meds. 4. Me, about a year after the first picture in May ’06.
~Ashley
